Ok so its time to fullfill a promise (first post so its a long one...sorry)

SO several years ago I made a promise to a friend...He made me promise that if I ever moved away from Oregon Id start a blog to help keep in touch.

Its been a year since Ive moved and I was recently reminded of that promise.

I dont know why I thought about it but I did so now its time to make good.

First of let me say this...I HATE the word "blog". I dont know why I just do.

So iam not gonna call it a blog. This is an ongoing open letter to my friends back home.

Iam currently living in Houston Missouri...population 1991...its just a hair bigger then a "dont blink cause you will miss it flyspeck of a town...you would have to blink twice to miss it

Its tiny and boring...theres a Drive In thats pretty cool...oh wait the theater is up for sale again so thats probably gonna be gone soon.

Theres a bowling alley...which is ok but I have to be in the mood for bowling.

Theres are eleven restraunts here half of which are fast food (Sonic, Mc Donalds, Pizza Hut, KFC/Taco Bell, Hardees) of the others theres a good mexican place...a decent pizza place...a mediocre chineese (ok I say mediocre cause my wife likes it...but ya its barely passable) place, a diner thats over priced and under staffed but somewhat edible and the overpriced chineese place that I havent been to cause the wife likes the other place.

Thats it...thats all this place has for "entertainment" unless your the outdoors type or just LOVE hanging out at the Wal-Mart ( the anti-christ of retail) theres just nothing to do here.

Not that I have any time to do any of the nothing thats available ( see that...thats what we like to call sarcasm) because Iam working 2 jobs now.

Why...well because I have nothing better to do with my time it seems.

I work overnights at a nursing home...which sucks as bad as you think it does and is about a quarter of the cause for my depression...which Ill get into latter.

Iam also working evenings at a restraunt in another town...some 40 miles away called the Crow Creek Opery (look it up on Facebook if ya care).

Working 2 jobs is only for the insane...good thing Ive put in my 2 week notice at the nursing home...last day there is the 16th. So thats a good thing.

WARNING EMO ALERT THIS IS ABOUT TO GET ALL WHINEY SO SKIP TO THE AND IF YOU WANT TO
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So the last several months have been...painfull to say the least.

most of my friends know about the crap that happened at the end of last year so I wont rehash that needless to say (but iam gonna say it anyway) Iam in theropy now and talking with a therapist about alot of stuff (from childhood on).

But most of you dont know whats happned since then.

My wife and I went through some intense marriage counceling and are working hard to make our marriage work.

We have few good days and alot of bad days but it seems the good days are catching up abit but its still one hell of a long road that we have in front of us.

Financaly we are doing crappy. my wife got laid off of work at the end of January and has not found another job since (well she did have one job doing home health for a guy...but he died after 3 days...so that didnt work out so well). Her unemployment was denied because she messed up her back about a year ago and cant do jobs with to much heavy lifting (so going back to the nursing home was out of the question). So shes been out of work for 3 months now.

Fortunately she has a job interview on thursday so hopefully that will pan out.

February (which is usualy my most favorite month of the year cause it has my favorite day of the yeas...my birthday) was the worst month so far this year we had the wifes lay off...I broke my foot so was off work for almost 3 weeks...my workmans comp got denied (even though I bokeit on the job) because my heartless boss claims to have a witness that said i came to work with a broken foot and was just trying to scam them. We had not 1...not 2...but 3 house fires (its only by the grace of God that we have a roof over our heads because the local fire department is staffed with morons and my landlord isnt the brightest bulb either) The car broke down. My mother-in-law spent a couple days in the hospital because she got stung by a wasp and discovered she was alergic to them (SURPRISE!!) and my Grandmother in la almost passed away...shes better now.
To top it all off every plan we had for my birthday got cancled...the wife did a good job trying to make it a good day...which Iam thankfull for but all in all it was a dissapointment.

The month of February was nothing more the rabbit punches to the kidneys all month long. March was better except for my depression worsening...Iam not on any meds yet but I need to be...my next theropy appointment isnt for another week and I dont know if I can hold out.

The depression is so bad that its effecting my job (both of them) to the point where ive had to call in sick because I was to depressed to face going in (my appoligies to anyone I secretly mocked for being to depressed to go in to work...I didnt know how bad it could get...I really am sorry).

I have no friends here I can talk to (I have some acuaintances that are ok people but I wouldnt call them friends) and I dont feel comfortable confiding in most of my in-laws.

Those that know me know I dont drink...I never have...but the temptation to get so fucking drunk that I cant remember my own name is almost greater then I can bear...Iam one more tragedy away from the bottom of a bottle...even now I know that in the kitchen is a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Dr Pepper and all I want is to go get it and forget the world and all its troubles.
The only one ive told this is the wife and I dont think she understands...Iam not sure anyone can
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
END OF EMO SECTION YOU CAN NOW SAFELY READ THE REST

So ya thats about it for now...now to email my friends and let them know i have posted this open letter.

And to anyone else who stumbles on this brain diarehha...well thanks for reading

Untill latter